What is Abandonment?

Abandonment is often misunderstood by many with BPD. It is much more than emotional or physical abandonment.

Abandonment has often been thought of by many to be of a physical nature - as in desertion and neglect or primarily of an emotional nature - as in when a child is not nurtured or given the necessary attention and healthy love to feel safe and secure.

Both of these situations or realities do constitute forms of abandonment. There are other types of abandonment that are often significant in the lives of those who end up diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

---

• Purchase all 3 of ebooks for NON BORDERLINES
• Non Borderlines - You can purchase 6 ebooks packaged together with or without audio.
• Those with BPD and/or Non Borderlines can purchase A.J. Mahari's 3 "Core Wound of Abandonment" series ebooks packaged together with or without audio.

---

Abandonment is:

• a feeling
• a feeling of disconnection
• a feeling of loss
• an aloneness and longing loneliness
• intense feelings of being devastated when a relationship ends
• fearing loss so much that one is too afraid to even risk being connected
• a mother leaving her child
• a father leaving his child
• death of a pet
• loss of a job or career
• moving
• a boy or girl realizing they are homosexual and fearing rejection
• being rejected
• lack of purpose
• not knowing who you are
• a child’s agitation in response to emotionally unavailable parents
• death of a loved one
• loss of a friend
• a woman alone after her husband cheats on her
• a divorce
• a cold distant parent
• a family’s “don’t talk” rule
• being emotionally, sexually, or verbally abused

Abandonment is a deep and abiding wound at the epicentre or heart of human experience. It is a painful and empty feeling.

Please click here to READ MORE ...

---

• Purchase all 3 of ebooks for NON BORDERLINES
• Non Borderlines - You can purchase 6 ebooks packaged together with or without audio.
• Those with BPD and/or Non Borderlines can purchase A.J. Mahari's 3 "Core Wound of Abandonment" series ebooks packaged together with or without audio.

---

Core of Toxic Relationships – Codependence

From the unresolved abandonment issues that those with BPD have and that often loved ones of those with BPD also have, to varying degrees is created an abiding codependent relational dynamic that is at the core of much of the toxic relating between those with BPD and loved ones. Loved ones have a tendency to blame the person with BPD as the sole source of relational difficulty. Codependence, which stems from unresolved abandonment is the common-ground where the personality disordered and the non-personality disordered meet and painful emotional chaos ensues.

Codependence is a mindset that is at the core of toxic relating and toxic, enmeshed, relationships. It is mindest that leads people, often without being aware of it, to try to get their needs met by and/or through others. Neediness permeates what are weak boundaries to begin with. On one side of the toxic, emeshed, codependent relationship is the needy person. On the other is the person who ends up trying to meet the insatiable needs of that person neglecting his or her own needs in the process. Unresolved abandonment issues manifested and expressed in different ways is the major common link between people in this relational dynamic.

Codependent, toxic and enmeshed relating is a dynamic. It is an emotional and relational dance. A very painful one for either side of the toxic mix. It is a dynamic and dance that really does take two to tango. Each person in a codependent dynamic has to first become aware of the choices he or she is making. Secondly, then, each will benefit from examining his or her own choices. You can lose yourself to over-focusing on someone else and then end up feeling angry about it. The person who is being over-focused on likely has less idea about who he or she actually is.

Please click here to READ MORE ...

Suffering is a Choice Related to Unresolved Abandonment Issues

Many people experience their emotional suffering as something that is outside of them. Something over which they have no control. The fact is that suffering is really a choice. Say what? Before you get angry or think I’m trying to say everything is your fault, please consider the difference between reacting to feelings related to the experience of events and/or circumstances – abandoning your emotional control versus empowering yourself by realizing and becoming more aware of the many choices that you can make. Choices that don’t have to involve you reacting to what you feel based upon events or circumstance.

You might be wondering how it is that suffering is a choice. You might be wondering how you could possibly choose to think differently and create new and more positive experience for yourself in the face of events or circumstances that have left you with intense feelings and negative thoughts in your life.

It is important to note that the root of suffering is abandonment – unresolved abandonment. I will be blogging much more about this and have a couple of audios that will be available soon too. I also work with people as a life coach and assist them in making this shift from what is essentially a perceived helplessness that has its roots in a victim mindset.

Please click here to READ MORE ...

© A.J. Mahari - All rights reserved.