Jackson's Response:
Parents must be extremely careful to insure proper
diagnosis is obtained. The negative labeling of children presents its own set of unique
problems. It is imperative to get a definitive diagnosis from true specialists who have
great facility with diagnosing minors.
Co-morbidity, the existence of two or more illnesses simultaneously, can muddle
correct diagnosis. The overlap of behavior and symptoms presents challenges to the best
clinicians. Select mental health professionals with a specialty in the diagnosis and
treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. Get a second opinion. And yes, this gets
quite expensive.
Understand that mental health professionals are hesitant to diagnose, and thereby,
label children. Some professionals refuse to formalize a diagnosis for children. There
are good reasons for this in many cases, but if you truly believe your child meets the
criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder, you should seek out a mental health expert
specializing in this very specific specialty area.
Borderline behavior is not simply defiance of parental rules, substance abuse, promiscuity,
rage. It is a clearly defined constellation of symptoms with formal benchmarks. Any parent
who suspects his or her child is Borderline should consult the most current edition of the
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (Commonly known as the DSM).
Here you will find a complete clinical explanation and criteria for Borderline Personality
Disorder. If after reading and understanding the parameters for Borderline Personality Disorder
you believe your child is Borderline, seek out professional help in order to ascertain your
child’s mental health status relative to your parental assessment of the situation.
The correct understanding of your child’s problems is the most critical step in defining
a plan to help your child and yourself. Please do not try and make excuses for your child’s
behavior. Do not rationalize the behavior by thinking he or she will grow out of this or
this conduct is just an adjustment stage. When a child’s behavior impacts family functioning
negatively and rather continuously, it is time to take action. Get help as described.
I believe the most important idea in dealing with a Borderline child centers on a parent’s
ability to stay in the game. Children are difficult to raise. Adding a mental health burden
makes the challenges of parenthood even more formidable.
If you are to help the child through this mess of an illness, you must be judicious and
protect your own well being. This includes the protection of your mental, emotional, financial,
and familial commitments. Since the Borderline will tend to take a disproportionate amount of
time and energy, you-- the parent, must maintain a reserve allowing you to deal with all
issues in a meaningful way.
This is easier said than done. The Borderline will often force the parent to drop current
activities to speed off somewhere to deal with a crisis. Borderlines continually cause crisis.
It is part of the illness. If you treat each incident the Borderline creates as a crisis, you
will simply wear yourself out. Personal burnout will not help your child.
You must understand the dynamics of Borderline behavior and be prepared to anticipate and
act upon a given circumstance. You must be on the same page as your spouse/significant other.
Without a coherent and agreed upon strategy, your relationship with other immediate family
members is in jeopardy.
Summing up: Make sure your child is truly Borderline by using experts. Protect
your own well being first so you have the strength to make a positive impact on your situation.
Make certain that both you and your spouse or significant other agree upon a course of action.
One last critical point: My experience indicates parents must let
the laws of natural consequence become apparent. When the Borderline child makes bad
choices (and this is inevitable and frequent), let him/her suffer the effect of that choice. No
matter how much you know the consequences will hurt the child, you must let that hurt be
experienced by the child. This is the ONLY way, in my experience, my child learned that fire
burns. This statement is not meant to imply therapeutic situations are invalid.
Back To - Relationship and Changes as BPD Is Realized
as of December 24, 2003
