Archive for the ‘Podcast’ Category

Life Coach and BPD Coach, A.J. Mahari, talks about the good news of the pain that is so formidable in Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). For most people with BPD there is a profound amount of emotional pain. Pain that isn’t well tolerated. Pain that they do not have the emotional maturity or emotional skills to effectively cope with in healthy ways. Pain is not the negative that most with BPD think it is and experience it as being. It is experienced negatively because it is thought of and perceived as being negative.

Pain is a necessary part of recovery. The emotional pain in and of Borderline Personality Disorder really does have purpose. It is a positive healing presence that you need to connect to in healthy ways in order to cope with it, be with it, sit with, learn to tolerate it, so that you can understand it, grieve it, so that you can connect to your inner-child, find your lost authentic self and continue down the road to recovery.

• 3 Non Borderline Ebooks
• 5 Core Wound of Abandonment in BPD Series Ebooks
• 6 Non Borderline Ebooks
• 3 Core Wound of Abandonment in BPD Series of Ebooks
• Punishment and Revenge in BPD
• Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life

         Ebooks © A.J. Mahari

How you think about your pain will determine how you experience it. In as much as the pain of abandonment is central to BPD, so too is it central to recovery from BPD.

Each step of the way, along the road to recovery, from Borderline Personality Disorder, this pain will increase each and every time anyone with BPD gets close to gaining more awareness and increasing his or her understanding of what he or she needs to heal.

• The Puzzle and Mystery of Hope on the Other Side of BPD
• Inside The Borderline Mind
• The Shame of Abandonment In BPD
• Breaking Free of The Borderline Maze – Recovery For Nons
• Facing the Facts of BPD – On The Other Side For Nons
• Overcoming Denial About BPD and Love

        Audio Programs For Loved Ones of BPD © A.J. Mahari

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Recovery from BPD isn’t about getting rid of this pain or escaping this pain, it is about learning to effectively cope with this pain and to radically accept this pain. Coming to understand that the pain of BPD can be a catalyst for healing and recovery will help you to shift your perception of it in ways that will help you to shift your experience of your pain.

The pain of BPD is a gift when you open to it. Understanding your pain, connecting to the source of that pain – the lost authentic self – and learning to accept that pain is central to recovery.

© A.J. Mahari, May 12, 2010 – All rights reserved.

Borderline Personality Disorder is a formidale challenge labelled a pathology that essentially means, if you have it, you are a human being who has been wounded and who is emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually out of balance. Finding hope is an act of faith. A surrender. It is radically accepting what is one moment at a time. Trusting that in each moment your perfect speed is just being there. Being in your there as fully present to it as you can be. Life Coach and BPD Coach, A.J. Mahari has a new episode in her BPD Inside Out Podcast to inspire and motivate those with BPD to find hope.

There is so much reason to hope. If you don’t have hope right now then begin to search for it. Dare to desire it. Be open to it. Hope and know that you can find the middle-ground that will bring with it the balance that you need, the paradox of life that is healthier experience. Borderline Personality Disorder can be cured. When you recover from it, you are cured. It’s not magic. It is possible. It takes work and dedication, commitment and taking personal responsibility. It means coping with, facing, and releasing loss and grief in healthy ways. You can do it, I did.

So much of the experience of your life when you have Borderline Personality Disorder is polarized, all-good, or all-bad. You likely feel like you are not okay or something about your life is not okay. What do you feel when I say to you here, you are okay, right where you are, as you are, in this moment, because it is where you are. Perfect speed is just being there.

Like Richard Bach’s main character in the book,  Jonathan Livingston Seagull, you, as someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, need to embrace a desire to learn. To be like Jonathan was, to a degree. To want to learn to fly higher faster and in more elaborate patterns. To accept that you might benefit most from marching to the beat of your own drummer, as Jonathan did. Everythign in moderation, however. The more Jonathan pushed himself to learn how to fly way higher and way faster the more his Elder tried to emphasize to him that, “perfect speed is just being there”.

Sometimes perfect speed is just being there for a difficult triggered and emotionally dysregulated moment, one moment at a time. The more you have hope and the more you radically accept that “okay-ness” of each moment the more you can move to a conscious awareness of how significant it is that you are present to the moment, no matter what the moment unfolds.

You are a person with worth, just because you are. And you are, you exist and matter, even when you may well not know who you really are in a stable-sense-of-known-self way. That’s okay. That’s what is right now for you. Pefect speed is just being there.

Does this mean that you are stuck with BPD forever? Absolutely not! There is a legacy of abandonment in BPD that you need to address in your life and that you will need treatment for and that treatment and your process of learning and understanding can be augmented with working with a life coach like myself as well.

Recovery from BPD is possible. Hope is a key ingredient in the process of that journey. The journey that is one from false self to authentic self. Remember, if you have BPD, even if you are new to this diagnosis, or new to facing it, if you are a BPD beginner so to speak, the mountain that stands in front of you to climb is not really bigger than the mountain the next person has to climb. Life is about climbing the mountains that are the obstacles we face. Mountains always appear more daunting if you think you can’t climb them. There will always be mountains. What conquers mountains is the steady climber who has faith. The climber who has hope. The climber who rather than bemoan the mountain or feel sorry for him/herself just gets on with the business of radically accepting the mountain and who mindfully then envisions a pathway to its peak – a pathway to authentic self. A pathway to a recovery that cannot be understood at the foot of the mountain but that will become more understandable on the journey up that mountain. At the mountain’s peak, each mountain’s peak, in your life is another goal or dream to realize. What is crucial on your mountain climb, as you aim for the goal of recovery, is to become more aware of what and how you are thinking.

Mindful thinking that is radically accepting of what is, is the perfect speed of just being there, present to the unfolding moment for what it is and not with thought invested in what you don’t like about it or what you wish it was instead.

Choose to seek and be open to hope and choose to face your abandoned pain, your  shame and to heal your abandonment wounds one moment at a time. One small step at a time, mindfully, purposefully and safe in the knowledge that perfect speed is just being there, wherever your there is right now.

The perfect speed of just being there, one moment at a time, is often what is perceived as a lack of movement, perhaps even feeling stuck. Stand still. Be stuck. Experience that stuckness. In that moment it too is the perfect speed of just being there.

I have been where you are. I had Borderline Personality Disorder. I recovered. You can too. The perfect speed of just being there is empowering when it meets with a willingness to hope. There is always light in the darkness. Just as there is darkness in the light. Perception and what you choose to think create the experience you will have and the feelings that will accompany your experience in life as it unfolds moment to moment.

What you focus on expands. What are you focusing on? If you haven’t yet, focus on hope. Hope is the perfect speed of just being there that can change your life.

Listen to A.J.’s BPD Inside Out Podcast Episode – Hope for BPD – Perfect Speed is Just Being There 

© A.J. Mahari, April 16, 2010 – All rights reserved.

Note: The phrase “perfect speed is just being there” was written by and is quoted from Richard Bach in his book, Jonathan Livingston Seagull. I highly recommend this book. I found it incredibly inspirational on my first reading of it many years ago and each subsequent reading since. Its message and appeal are  timeless.

p style=”text-align: justify;”>Author and Life Coach A.J. Mahari talks, in an episode of her Borderline Personality Disorder Inside Out Podcast, about the reality of focus and the importance of thinking outside the box. Is Borderline Personality Disorder really a “brain disease”? How does that account for the loss of authentic self in those with BPD that occurs do to abandonment?

What is the cause of BPD? Who knows? Does biopsychiatry really know? What do you believe? Can you get the whole story, all the information that you need from one source? Can accepting that BPD is a “brain disorder” negatively impact your ability to recover?

Too many people with BPD end up experiencing it as the sum total of who they know themselves to be. BPD is not, however, an identity. Where does that leave you?

The focus on BPD to date is largely one of unempowering those with BPD. It is a focus that increases feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. How is being in a narrow focus of the pathologizing of BPD helpful? Can it possibly be?  What’s the answer?

What will it benefit you most to focus on about BPD in order to empower yourself? What do you need to know to be able to get well? Is there a way to overcome the pathologizing of BPD that is way beyond stigma?

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Just scroll down and look for this episode and you can also subscribe for free via iTunes

© A.J. Mahari, April 12, 2010 – All rights reserved.

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In her latest Borderline Personality Disorder Inside Out podcast episode, Life and BPD Coach, A.J. Mahari talks about what she calls the core wound of abandonment and the negative impact that creates in the lives of those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). People with BPD need to find hope from the polarized negativity of BPD. Polarized negativity that has its roots in unresolved abandonment. Abandonment negativity impacts hope for those who have BPD and for their loved ones.

• The Abandoned Pain of BPD Ebook
• The Legacy of Abandonment in BPD Ebook
• BPD and Abandonment
• From False Self To Authentic Self In BPD – The Inner Child
• Finding Hope From the Polarized Negativity of BPD

Ebooks & Audio Programs © A.J. Mahari

The on-going Impact of The Core Wound of Abandonment in BPD continues to fuel rage – whether it is felt or acknowledged or not – and what has become constant suffering and a pain-perpetuating habit of negativity that precludes hope or any real connection to hope in so many with BPD. Hope is really needed in order to recover from BPD and is something that everyone with BPD needs to know more about. Abandonment negativity in people with Borderline Personality Disorder is at the heart of largely causes and then perpetuates polarized negative black-and-white thinking – the defense mechanism of splitting that negatively impacts both those with BPD and their loved ones and that is at the center of much of the experience of those with BPD and their loved ones in the many ways that BPD manifests in relating and relationships.

Listen to A.J.’s podcast episode Abandonment Negativity Impacts Hope in BPD

• The Puzzle and Mystery of Hope on the Other Side of BPD
• Inside The Borderline Mind
• The Shame of Abandonment In BPD
• Breaking Free of The Borderline Maze – Recovery For Nons
• Facing the Facts of BPD – On The Other Side For Nons
• Overcoming Denial About BPD and Love

Audio Programs For Loved Ones © A.J. Mahari

Listen to A.J.’s podcast episode Abandonment Negativity Impacts Hope in BPD

For anyone with BPD or any loved one of someone with  BPD thinking that somehow these deeply ingrained patterns of abandonment negativity will just go away will only prolong your pain and suffering. The negativity that is a lasting impact of unresolved abandonment trauma needs to be addressed by those with BPD. It is the only way to find hope. Hope is central to recovery from BPD.

A.J. Mahari’s Life Coaching Services

• General Life Coaching
• Emotional Mastery Coaching
• Coaching for those with Borderline Personality Disorder or Loved Ones
• Mental Health Coaching
• Codependence/Toxic Relationship Coaching

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Borderline Personality Disorder Inside Out Audio Podcast by author and Life Coach and BPD/Mental Health Coach, A.J. Mahari. December 14, 2009 -  Borderline Questions. Do you have BPD and have questions about that? Are you suffering and unsure who you are? You likely will benefit from learning ways to increase your awareness.

In the work I do with people with Borderline Personality Disorder as a BPD Coach I can help you learn more about the questions that need addressing so that you can begin to, or continue to, find your way to emotional regulation and peace.

If you have Borderline Personality Disorder it can be very difficult to gain the awareness as to what your questions are when you don’t know who you are. The quest to find and connect to the lost authentic self inside of you is the journey From False Self to Authentic Self in BPD that will help you to indentify your questions and live your way to those sacred and precious answers.

Click here to listen to the podcast episode Borderline Questions

© A.J. Mahari December 16, 2009 – All rights reserved.

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Borderline Personality Disorder Inside Out Audio Podcast by author and Life Coach and BPD/Mental Health Coach, A.J. Mahari. December 14, 2009 – Loneliness in Borderline Personality Disorder.

People with Borderline Personality Disorder can’t help but experience a profound loneliness in whatever way that manifests for them because they are not connected to any stable sense of self – to the authentic self. This means that people with BPD are not only lonely in the world, they are lonely firstly and foremostly from within – living in and from an internally isolated and disconnected, often alienated, abyss where that sense of self should be.

If you have Borderline Personality Disorder this aching loneliness of lostness and disconnection does not have to be your own lot in this life. You can choose change.

Click here to listen to the podcast episode Loneliness In BPD

© A.J. Mahari December 14, 2009 – All rights reserved.

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Borderline Personality Disorder Inside Out Audio Podcast by author and Life Coach and BPD/Mental Health Coach, A.J. Mahari. December 12, 2009 – Emotional Dysregulation in Borderline Personality Disorder.

Emotional dysregulation is at the heart of so much of the way that people with BPD experience daily life. It is also at the heart of how their loved ones experience them. Emotional dysregulation in BPD causes those with BPD a lot of pain and suffering. It often hurts and confuses loved ones as well. 

Learning to regulate one’s emotions is an important part of recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder.

Click here to listen to the podcast episode Emotional Dysregulation

© A.J. Mahari December 12, 2009 – All rights reserved.

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Borderline Personality Disorder Inside Out Audio Podcast by author and Life Coach and BPD/Mental Health Coach, A.J. Mahari. Awareness in BPD – December 11, 2009. Awareness is often elusive for those with BPD. People with Borderline Personality Disorder are often disconnected from and closed to the awareness that they most need in order to get on and stay on the road to recovery.

It is the The Lost Self that it is central to someone with BPD and that is the disconnect that ties you back to your unresolved abandonment and its shame - You can, through increasing your awareness choose recovery

Click here to listen to the podcast episode Awareness in BPD

© A.J. Mahari – December 11, 2009 – All rights reserved.

Suicide is really not the answer to the pain of Borderline Personality Disorder.

• Purchase all 3 of ebooks for NON BORDERLINES or 3 Non Borderline Ebooks packaged together with audio.
• Non Borderlines – You can purchase 6 ebooks packaged together without audio or 6 ebooks bundled together with 2 audio programs 6 ebooks packaged together with 2 audio programs
• Those with BPD and/or Non Borderlines can purchase A.J. Mahari’s 3 “Core Wound of Abandonment” series ebooks or Mahari’s 3 “Core Wound of Abandonment” series ebooks with From False Self To Authentic Self In BPD – The Inner Chid Audio Program

You may have once believed that or it may feel like it is the only answer when you are entrenched in black and white all or nothing thinking. You need to know that you really can find your way to Finding Hope From The Polarized Negativity of BPD and that was is crucial in order for you to be able to find that hope and to travel the journey From False Self To Authentic Self in BPD is for you to make a choice, one moment at a time to ride out the waves of intensely Dysregulated Emotions knowing that they will shift and you will once again find your way to feeling as if you can at least breathe again, feel safe again, for a little while. In order to find your way to the road to recovery and then along that road you need to be here.

© A.J. Mahari, January 10, 2009 – All rights reserved.

Often those who are close to someone with Borderline Personality Disorder are themselves in a great deal of pain. They are often confused as to what is actually going on with the person with BPD. Many non borderlines do not realize the emotional danger and damage that they can be incurring on the other side of someone with BPD until they are so confused they feel as if they don’t have a clue what to do.

• A.J.’s Ebooks
• A.J.’s Audio Programs

It is only through the surrender to that which we cannot control that we can win our own freedom.

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A.J. Mahari is a Life Coach who, among other things, specializes in working with those with BPD and non borderlines. A.J. has 5 years experience as a Life Coach  and has worked with hundreds of clients from all over the world.