I forecast constantly which leads my to form false conclusions
about people's intentions (I think they are evil, and they actually
don't even care one way or the other)....and this snowballs and
explodes whether I try to get them to like me/continue liking me,
or whether I confront them (rare).
I would like to be less sensitive to rejection, which can take the
form of being apathetic toward me. I guess that's black-and-white
thinking isn't it? I'm just learning about that.....If someone doesn't
lavish praise/pay attention/ask me out/pick me then they MUST hate me.
It's actually just as sad and difficult for me to realize that they
aren't thinking about me at all....
anon.
One thing springs to mind (although there are many in here swimming
around): Simple trust in human nature. Mine has been eroded
thoroughly. Every action and every word by another person I subject
to intense scrutiny. Seldom do they "pass" muster. It's "once burned,
twice shy" taken to new heights.
I honestly would like to have total faith in another person
(not everyone -one very good friend). It would make life easier for
me and more so for that person. How does one *just trust*? And how can
that other person prove something that's unprovable (the future)?
PJ
I am burned on this one. I'm scared to death to relate to new people,
even to people I have known for a while. I'm so afraid because they
might leave me and then I'll be abandoned. I have had several persons,
who meant a lot to me and they left. Some die, some quit their work
at the hospital, were I have been a lot, some leave because seeing me
being in pain is too much for them, some leave just for a period,
maybe for vacation like my therapist. Every time she is gone I think
she will leave me for ever. And every time it's time to start the
therapy again it's so hard on me to trust her that she will be there.
Someone declares he want's to be a woman and changes his name,
changes lifestyle... That one is the toughest, I think... Feels like he
leaves me... How could I relate to him as a woman?
He is my brother... My trust for people didn't get better when I found out
about this.
I don't know. I don't know... what I'd like to change. This is so
hard for me to think of...
Y.E.
Trusting others...If they love me, then I can't trust them because
they must be insane or lying. In my friendships, this manifests itself
in me trying to do anything to "make" them love me, but then getting
upset and pushing away when they do.
I'm also so afraid of hurting people that love me that I'll push
them away, too...but then, of course, I need them and I try to pull
them back.
In just casual relationships, I'm either too quiet or talk too
much...when I'm quiet, people think I'm a snob...when I talk too much,
then I get annoying.
I want to change my feelings...I've changed my behaviors and
thought patterns before, but it will last an hour, a day, a week, even
years, but then it resurfaces because the _feelings_ never changed.
kelly
Anger
