Mother and BPD Daughter

This is one example of what Borderline Personality Disorder has presented to our family:

My daughter is 36 and has BPD. She is in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Luckily enough, her team of therapist were trained directly by the woman that started this form of therapy. She has been in it for almost 6 months. She goes once a week to a therapy session and to a once-a-week skills training. So far, it has helped. She has practiced her skills and it helps. It is not a cure, but helps the patient learn to deal with their feelings especially to prevent a crisis...rage, out of control behavior.

My daughter acts out by calling people and telling them off...over and over. When that doesn't work, she calls them at work or calls their parents or goes to their house and decorates their yards or talks to their neighbors. When these people get sick of that, they call the police. Then she goes into suicide mode.

She can go long periods without acting out. It seems to be propelled by a relationship of some sort, i.e., boyfriend, not feeling like she's being treating like a full-family member, whatever. She splits on me by telling me what a terrible mom I am for the silliest reasons. Since she has been in this theraphy, when she gets angry at me, she waits until after I have gone to bed and lets the phone ring only once or twice and then that's it. Of course, it wakes me up and I am up for most of the night with my mind going ninety miles a minute. I work and have to get up at 6 a.m.

The last time she started to act out, I confronted her about her phone calling (other people and their friends and relatives) and she said flat out she was going to go home and kill herself. Well I believed her and called her psychiatrist. He wasn't on duty, but the one on call talked to me. He told me to call 911 and they would get an ambulance and the police would come. When I did call them, she went beserk and my husband had to hold her down to keep her from running out into the street and getting hit. When the police came, my husband got off her and she popped us and hit the policeman.

She only weighs 100 lbs and she hardly touched him, but he and another policeman put her in a head lock until she quit resisting. They then proceeded to take her outside and slam her head into the police car. She was spitting so when they put her in the ambulance, the policeman put a "spit bag" on her and held her nose until the EMS guy pushed him out of the ambulance.

Then at the hospital the police stayed there. We stayed there until the hospital assured us she would be put into a private room until a nearby mental hospital had a room. At 2 a.m. in the morning, I received a call from my daughter who was at the county jail. She stayed there for several days and was treated horribly...brought on by her tirades.

Finally, they brought her to the state mental hospital where she was put into the same room with murderers, etc. She calmed down there pretty quickly because she was away from the police.

She spent a week there and was formally diagnosed with BPD...my brother who is a therapist had already said he thought she had that. Then they brought her back to our town and to jail where she stayed for 2 more days. Then we hired an attorney who got her out of jail.

I forgot to mention that the police told us before they brought her to the first hospital that they would drop charges if we had her commited. They lied. At the regular (first) hospital she was tormented.

The nurse came at her with a needle and told her that her husband was a police office and laughed. At this point, she tried to give my daughter a shot. My daughter push her hand away with her foot so the nurse filed charges against her.

In the end my daughter received a plea bargain and ended up with probation for several years. The lesson I learned through all of this was to never ever call 911.

We luckily found the dialectical behavior theraphy and am praying it helps!

New episode:

The night before my daughter had to go to her probation officer, she called to talk about how her therapy was a huge waste of money. I didn't agree nor disagree with her, but just talked with her about what she was feeling. Then she starts in on me...mostly about what I hadn't done yet for her. Things connected to her business.

I handle the books and put money into her store, etc. Well, she's decided the reason why she's loosing money at the store is because of our accountant's fees. I told her that we couldn't say it was only because of that. She began complaining that I hadn't done enough to find a new accountant, I hadn't done this and I hadn't done that.

I am in the process of finding and moving my mom into a retirement home. Mom's 82 years old. I just got my mother-in-law into an assistant living home near us. She moved from out of state and is a semi-invalid. Therefore, not only do I work full time, I keep books for my daughter's store, plus a bunch of other things for the store. I am trying to handle my mother's move from her home of 30 years, etc. I tried to explain to my daughter and to request a little slack from her.

She hung up on me and then began her prank calling. I lost it then and we screemed at each other. I took the phone off the hook. Two hours later, she drives across town to throw family pictures with holes poked in them. A check to her therapist that I had given with "wipe your a__" written on in it with something like brown rouge and her therapy book all smeared with the stuff -- At 6:40 a.m.

I put the phone back on the hook and at 6:45am she called and said, "your a freaking tranquilizer junkie." So just as I was leaving I put the phone back on the hook. So she would have an outlet in the day time and not call me at my work with her prank calls which she has been known to do. She did leave one message at work while I was at lunch.

I don't listen to her messages. If and when I do, I only hurt for days and days.I just delete them. When I got home she had left 5 messages...all were ugly...I didn't listen except to verify it was one of her calls. I can't help but hear bits and pieces. In one she had called her therapist and quit.

Then in another, she said she had decided to go back to the therapist because her parole officer said in a few months she could apply for a pardon. I'm surprised she went. This whole event was brought on by her having to go to the parole office.

Last month the same kind of thing happened. So now for the last 2 nights I have had to have my phone off the hook. My mom knows the story but my mother-in-law does not. I told both to call my cell phone in case my line is busy...I might be on the internet.

Anyway, I have really had it with her. She is driving my husband and I MAD!!!

She's 36 years old! I've paid my dues with her and don't feel as if I have to keep doing so....She also called my mom and asked her if she wanted her furniture. In a way it's a threat...suicide?

I don't know, but I sure as heck can't call 911 in this town! She did go to work. I'm just SO SICK OF HER!!!

A Parent of an adult-child with BPD who requested her name be withheld

as of December 2, 2003