The Reality of The Need For Therapy

[A.J. Mahari]

What made you realize that you needed therapy when you first went to therapy?

[Linda]

Umm, I have only been to therapy at my psychiatrist four times now. I started going to please my neurologist and my GP and to prove to them that I am not Bipolar. It was very scary to go to a psychiatrist for the first time of my life (here on the island, you go to a psychiatrist because you are crazy)
I was relieved too that my neurologist( who has practiced psychiatry a few years ago but not anymore) saw in me that I needed help. I also felt that I needed help, because I resumed SI, which I hadn't been doing for awhile. I guess this made me realize that I needed to go to a psychiatrist. Glad that I did go, because now I know that my years of selfharm, years of compulsive shopping, years of weight issues had a name.

[Francine]

Hi A.J.

When I first went to therapy it was for depression, in 1997.  But since I found out about BPD in 2006, let's just say I was confused at first because they presented all the symptoms, DBT therapy, skills group and soforth to me all at once.  So when I went to see my therapist after, he asked me what I tought about it and if I was ready to committ to the treatment.  It sounded so demanding and is still is.  I didn't want to admit it but, deep down inside me, I knew I wouldn't be able to make in on my own.  I had to get therapy if I wanted to get on with my life.  BPD was not only affecting me but also my husband and children.  I was losing them without even noticing it.  I told myself they deserve better treatment that I had given them and I'm going to make that change.   I was in so bad shape that I could no longer think clearly or take care of myself.  Everytime that I was alone they had to get a sitter for me because I couldn't be trusted.  That was very embarassing.  So as I looked back at my life, when u cannot take care of yourself, u cannot take care of others and yes I ended up at the very bottom.  The signs were obvious I had to get therapy, it was do or die.  Therapy does get frustrating and the road to recovery seems so far ahead that sometimes I just want to give up.  But no I'm not ready to give up the fight.  I have improved a lot in the past 2 years, made a lot of accomplishments, that I would be crazy if I would give up therapy cause it is working for me.  When I start something it is to go all the way and not half way.

Francine

[Linda]

Francine, how are you? I was reading your post and want to ask you about :

Code:

Therapy does get frustrating and the road to recovery seems so far ahead that sometimes I just want to give up.

What part of therapy gets frustrating? Is it at the start of therapy with a new therapist or is it when you might see there's no improvement or something else?
I am very very nervous about going to therapy. I have met my new therapist, she's a young female a little older than I am. I don't know what to expect and what is expected of me. Does the therapist dig in your past? Do they have to come to your house? If there's an emergency am I expected to call my therapist?
I have so many many questions. I will start therapy monday the 25th. (CBT)
I am glad to read that you made improvements in your life because of the therapy.

Linda

[Linda]

Do you have to pay for therapy in the USA?

[Francine]

HI Linda,

I have my struggles but I'm doing pretty well, thanks for asking.  The part that gets frustrating in therapy for me is that sometimes when I use the DBT skills, when I'm in crisis, they don't always work and I have to find and to try more than I skill before any of them work.   In particular issues they don't work at all and then I feel helpless and all alone.  But that is part of therapy and of getting better.  I have to keep on using the skills and trying new ones when the others don't work.  Before I the most when I was alone, but now I'm going days and weeks without having to rely on anybody.  I find it hard because I get dissapointed when I cannot do it on my own, have to call my therapist and then I get overwhelmed.  They say it come in time but that doesn't come fast enough for me.  That's another part of my frustrations.  I wish I could solve, change and get better faster because I'm not patient enough.  That is something that I need to work on and through DBT skills training, skill group and therapy sessions I know I can get to this goal in it's due time. 

Best regards,
Francine 

[Linda]

I really don't know what kind of therapy my new psychologist is using on me.
I think it's CBT.
She wants to change my black and white thinking.
I have had therapy twice with her, and don't feel at ease. She sits way too close to me...makes me very nervous. I did black out the first time, second time went better for I wrote a few things down.
She wants me to work on my selfesteem and to not let people's comments hurt me.
I now can see that the road to recovery will be a long one....am not too happy with that.

Linda

[sami]

I knew I needed therapy because my whole life I've been unhappy. I've had several times when I wanted to die and thought about the different ways to do it, but when I got to the point of NOW I'm going to do it because the pain inside is so bad I cant take it anymore, thats when I went. But the weird thing is, I have trouble talking to people in person about my feelings so it really didnt help much. I havent seen a dr for about 8 years and there is no one I talk to about my feelings. At last the idea of dieing is not so attractive to me now. I know I need therapy now but cannot get it.

[pushing50]

Interesting question. The first time I went to therapy, I was 14. I was sent, because I had run away from home for a night. I can't remember why I did that, but in general my home life at that age was pretty hellish. Tha lasted a couple of years. Nothing much happened, but I had somone to talk to for a while.

When I was 24 I went to a psychiatrist at the recommendation of a good friend who was worried about my pattern of substance abuse. The good Dr. sent me off to get treatment. It took me a year to get clean, and I have been in some kind of therapy many times since then. The thing that kept driving me back was depression and extreme isolation. It has been a lifelong struggle for me to change the way I am with people. Not until a few months ago did I understand that the lack of change was because no-one figured out that I had a personality disorder. I always figured there was something pathalogically wrong with me, to spend so much time in therapy and still end up depresssed and dying of loneliness.
Better late than never, I guess, to finally understand what the problem is and to have a therapist who knows her stuff to work with.

[Francine]

Hi A.J.

It's been a long time.   I started my sessions with my new therapist last week and I find it very hard because I don't know what to say to her.  She doesn't know much about BPD along with DBT skills and no one else at the clinic does either.  My ex therapist recommended that we keep working with the diary cards.  I was with him for 4 yrs and he had training in DBT.  I mentionned to him how I felt about it.  I told him and her how can we work on something she doesn't understand  or know anything about?  She wants to learn and my ex therapist said that I could help her and show her since I know the skills pretty well, almost by heart actually.   I feel it's not for me to be the teacher here.  I'm the client and not an expert.  I signed up for skills group for my third time, so I can keep myself in touch with DBT material and still meet my therapist weekly.  I talked to the group leader and she does encourage me to keep working with the diary cards so that the other can measure the progress.  I just don't know if I'm ready to share that kind of information with her yet cause we just started to work together and really don't know what to do.  What do u think?  I would appreciate your opinion on this matter.  And by the way my psychiatrist changed my meds but it will take a few weeks to see if they r going to work and told me again that BPD was a life sentence.

Best regards,
Francine