Going periods of time without harming myself!

[Linda]

This is one of the longest periods that I didn't selfharm. I want to stop doing it.
I would like to meet someone on this board online...I haven't seen anyone since I became a member.

[Francine]

Hi Ihabos,

My name is Francine.  Congratulations on your 5 weeks of no self-harm.  You should give yourself credit  because I know that is the hardest thing to do.  But you can keep on not to self-harm.  I'v not self-harmed myself for a couple of months now.  The way that I do it, is I don't count the days and months right away, cause that tells me it's time for it to happen again.  What I do when I have the urge, I try to change my thoughts by distracting myself with other activities etc.  I go take a walk, if weather permitting, I call a friend, look at TV and do things that I like.  Therefore time passes and you notice at the end of the day that you have managed through it.  And that's a big accomplishement.  When the urge is to strong, I call my therapist and he gives me some tips and support on how to get through the moment.  It is very hard to do, but the urges passes after a while.  After a few days, then I notice hey, I haven't self-harmed myself since that time and then I say to myself if I did then, I can do it now and I tell myself this over, over and over again.  I hope this will help you out.  Give yourself a chance, you can do it, cause I know like most of us that everybody is capable of doing anyting if you put your mind to it.

Best regards,
Francine       

[Linda]

Hi Francine! My name is Linda. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I am happy with the info you've given me on how you manage your urges to selfharm. I normally don't have the strenght to get my thoughts at something else to do or to call my therapist. I might learn to do that. These days I haven't had any reason to selfharm and I hope I will be able to quit doing it.
Are you taking medication? I will have to go to my spychiatrist next week Tuesday, he might prescribe medication, I don't know. I look forward to going to him, so he can tell me more about BPD and how to cope.

Linda

[Francine]

Hi Linda, 

I'm glad that my post was of help to you.  You asked me if I was under any medications?  Yes I am.  I've been on different kinds of medication for different problems.  I'm now taking an antidepressant, a mood stabilizer which helps me to control my mood and behavior more effectively and better.  I'm also taking sleeping medication, since I'm sleep deprived, but this has been decreased recently because I have less stressors so I can have a good night sleep and an anxiety control medication only when it is necessary.  But I haven't needed this one for quite a while.  It's prescribed only as needed, so I don't want to abuse of it and get hooked on it...cause some can cause a dependency.  There are different kinds of meds because it depends on your case, how severe it is and how it can affect you and how it helps you out.  If the psychs recommands some of them and you don't know, don't be afraid to ask questions.  Only he can say what you need, why you need it, how often to take it and so forth.  But one thing that I do, is that I'm very compliant to taking my medications cause I notice some difference when I don't.  Hope this answers your question.  If you want any other info, do not hesitate to ask.

Best regards,
Francine

[Linda]

I had triggers of harming myself these past two days. I did not give into them. I have held scissors and a knife and I have used them for what they were made for, not for harming people.
My father has sent a very nasty letter to the pastors of my church, lying about me and telling them that I am to be seen as a rotten apple. I have cried for two days over this letter. My mother and I spoke to the pastors yesterday and they agree that my father is a very evil person. They will reply to him and they adviced me not to seek any form of contact with him anymore, for he doesn't deserve it.
I am very relieved about talking to them and told them about my BPD...I gave them copies of the brochure also. They said that this letter of my father could be the doorway to their support now that I have opened and explained myself to them. They will support me in every spiritual way possible and they will help me wherever my psychiatrist can't.
I don't know which meds I will get. I checked the website for patients that suffer from Thrombocytopenia (platelet-destruction in the blood) like me, and there are so many meds we are not allowed to take or the platelets will go down again.
Francine, can you help me to think about questions I could ask my psychiatrist? I've been there twice or three times and everytime I sit in front of him my mind goes blank. I did go with my voice-recorder twice, but the playback quality was so poor I couldn't understand it.
Does your psychiatrist ask to speak with your relatives or friends? Mine hasn't. I wonder if he'll ask that someday.
Can anyone else relate or help?

Linda

[Francine]

Hi Linda,

I'm glad you decided not to self-harm.  Keep up the good work, don't give in on it.  Even though I don't know you personaly, I know you can do it.  As I can read, your a very spiritual person.  Have some faith in yourself and give yourself credit for every accomplishment you make and those are accomplishements.

In regards of your friend, I'm happy for her and I'm sure that she will do what's best for her and that must take some weight off your shoulders.

Now, here is where I get confused?  I just read in another post that you don't want to go see your psychs anymore?  Why?  I can only share my feelings about it.  Yes, my psychs, he helps me in very different ways, sometimes I only see them days later and in other days I refuse to listen to him or don't want to hear is advice, that's normal or we wouldn't be humans.  If your afraid to forget what questions you want to ask him, write them down, that's what I do cause when I'm nervous my mind goes blank immediately.  The question that is the most hard to ask our psychs or ourselfs is about the fear...that what it's all about.  If you don't want to see him anymore, is it because of fear???  What do you want the psych to tell you of the most?  You must have many ideas of things you can ask him.  I know sometimes all they do is talk all the time, but tell him to take a minute and ask your questions or information you want to know and write the answers on the card beside the questions you asked him.  Then you can refer to them when you need it.  In regards to my relatives, it's my therapist that informs them of what is going on and so forth.  And if they have any questions or something they want to know, they can call him.  But he doesn't give out this information before asking me first if it's OK.  Sometimes my husband and I will have a session to get updates on things.  But when needed, the psychs does speak to my relatives.  I wish you reconsider in seeing your psychs....I'll be thinking about you...

Best regards,
Francine

[Linda]

 :)Thank you
I'll put my questions to him on paper. And hope I wake up with a positive attitude tomorrow!

[Linda]

The subject needs to be changed to "six weeks without harming myself!". 
Francine, it's hard not to count the days not having selfharmed if I look at the date of the posts like 24/7. I am spending WAY TOO MUCH time in here.

LInda

[Francine]

Hi Linda, 

Another week added to you not self-harm, good girl, keep up the good work and keep that in mind.  I know that it's hard not to count the days, but if that doesn't work for you change it to something else.  Do what you think is best for you.  And if you think that you're spending to much time in here, but it helps you, what is wrong with that?  Spending some time or sharing things with others who have BPD, persons who are going through the same things as you are, may also be what is keeping you on track....cause sometimes, without noticing it, deep down inside it's what we need the most.........if you know what I mean. 

Best regards,
Francine

[Linda]

If picking at my face is considered selfharm too than I am guilty of still selfharming. I didn't know that was considered selfharm too!

[Linda]

It's still going good. No extreme SI's.
Thanks for all the support.

Linda

[A.J. Mahari]

It's still going good. No extreme SI's.
Thanks for all the support.

Linda

p.s. who is the guest that's been printing this topic ever since I started posting here? This is creepy

Great work Linda, keep it up!

[Linda]

There are so many reasons in my life to self harm at this moment, but I am fighting the urge realy bad.
this weekend I am knocking myself out with sleepingpills. Not to overdosed or anything but I just want to sleep throught hte whole weekend and not to be nervous for an upcoming bllodtest, The lab called me today if I can come back next week because the test today was missing something,I  am really very nervous and feeling lonelier than I ever been,so instead of selfharm I choose to keep my self sedated. Boy I have a hard time typing these sentences, I am going to sleep.Take care everyone and thanks for all your support...especially Robert

[Merwin]

There are so many reasons in my life to self harm at this moment, but I am fighting the urge realy bad.
this weekend I am knocking myself out with sleepingpills. Not to overdosed or anything but I just want to sleep throught hte whole weekend and not to be nervous for an upcoming bllodtest, The lab called me today if I can come back next week because the test today was missing something,I  am really very nervous and feeling lonelier than I ever been,so instead of selfharm I choose to keep my self sedated. Boy I have a hard time typing these sentences, I am going to sleep.Take care everyone and thanks for all your support...especially Robert

Linda, I think of you everyday and the courage you have.  You are doing great!  Awesome actually. 

[Linda]

Thank you very much.

I did talk about selfharm to my psychiatrist and he says that picking your face isn't a form of selfharm if it is done like out of habit or nervousness.
He asked me what made me stop my frequent bouts of selfharm and I told him that it just wasn't worth it. I don't want more scars. I did sleep a lot this weekend on medication and I have to go back to the lab the day after tomorrow.
Life is difficult at times, I'm not going to let the difficult times take away my joy of living.

Linda