My boyfriend doesn't care

[miss_unicorn78]

We've been having some serious issues lately due to me. I assume the worst in everything that he does, accuse him of not caring about me, I really can't trust him and we're really just still together at this point because I don't want to live with my family and uproot my kids and I'm pregnant with his child.

All I have done in the last week is cry over this and I can't stop.I signed him for some newsletters that might help us and he's mad because he doesn't want me to sign him up for anything like this that might help us. I mean actions speak louder than words right? He may say that he cares and want to work through this but when he gets angry at me for trying to make this work, doesn't that say loud and clear that he doesn't? He's locked me out of our room the last couple nights and I have been sleeping on the couch.

I jsut want him to love me again.

[AloneAgain]

I have worked all my life trying to "make" some man love me.  I've done everything to please, tried to be so darned close to perfect and hated myself for any imperfections ... even though, God knows the men in my life were never perfect.

I'm just beginning to realize I am BPD so I don't know much about this disease but I do know this: no matter how hard you try, just because "all you want is for him to love you" won't make it happen.  And the fact you are having his child won't make him love you either.  You can never make someone else love you.

Don't I say that like an expert???  :-) Especially considering that tomorrow if I met a new guy I'd probably try to "make" him love me!  While logic tells me it can't be doneI can't seem to make that logic work when it seems I'm trapped in this deep black hole. 

I suspect everyone here had a pretty abusive childhood and the fact of the matter is, we never learned to love ourselves.  I've always heard you can't love someone else until you love yourself.  Now if I could just get my brain to really believe that I am worth loving ... just like I am ... warts and all ... I'd be half way there to being able to really love a man instead of just cling to him.

My big problem is trying to figure out how to love myself.  I can't seem to get there.

[Mybrokenheart]

Hey Miss Unicorn and AloneAgain Its very hard to get Men,Friends,family to build trust,love and a relationship until learn to love yourself! It took me 15yrs to stop huting myself and others including professional and Non professional,once i did I slowly gained Trust and as I built their trust I learned there was much more to life than Hurting me and others,that I could actually have fun and do things with the people I cared about! I am not saying its easy by no means But Once you learn to love yourself and see that theres more to life(self harm/anger) Hides the emotions and never lets you face the reality! It just causes more pain and hurts between relationships and The problems may at times feel like they go away but are just waiting for you later! I have a topic In DBT skills and Practice That could help you both! I still at times have relationship issues and prolly always will Cause My BPD but I try to maintain and do the best I can using My skills I wish you both the best of Luck,Aimee