Are you a "Quiet Borderline" and not aware of feeling rage?

[A.J. Mahari]

Those who fall into the category often described as being "quiet borderlines" or "acting in borderlines" are often not experiencing - or not aware of experiencing anger or rage. Are you a quiet borderline? Do you experience an absence of rage or anger? If so, what do you think you may feel instead?

I'd just like to add here that many who are "quiet borderlines" do not consciously connect with their own anger or rage in a conscious way. This, however, does not mean that the "quiet borderline" does not have anger or rage. It is expressed and manifested in different ways than the "traditional" "raging" or "acting out borderline.

Many "quiet borderlines" tend to really be afraid of conflict. Whereas "raging borderlines" often generate conflict as a way of coping with many aspects of trying to regulate dysregulated emotions. "Quiet borderlines" may often manifest rage or anger through a punishing silent treatment of others.

[pushing50]

Hi A.J. Thanks for opening this topic. I am one of the quiet ones, as I have said in a few of my other posts. I do understand that my not feeling rage does not mean it is not there somewhere. My sense is that I dissociate when I get angry. It is a very effective way of shutting off a frightening, overwhelming experience.

The last time I remember actually letting my rage hit the surface was when I was 13 or 14. I don't remember the trigger, but I know I was making a cake with my sister. I accidentally slashed her hand with the bottom of a cakepan (it was a removable disk of metal). I ran into my room without knowing that and kicked at the door and screamed. I terrified both my sister and my brother. And myself actually. And then we had to do some quick thinking to explain my sister's injury to our parents when they got home. I think she might have needed stitches. She saved my ass by not telling the truth about what had happened.

I don't know about the 'punishing silent treatment' I don't actually interact with enough people on a significant level for that to become a possibility. I am so adept at avoiding occasions to become angry that it seems to never happen. I have been accused of something like that I guess, when I dissociate and shut down. I am then lost in space and not available, but I have never felt it to be a punishment directed at others. Of course that doesn't mean they don't experience it that way I guess. I do know the punishing silence from the other side though, as my mother is very prone to that, when she is not being a total bitch. (Hmmm...that's a nice angry word!  )

I do know that my level of self-hatred borders on the rageful at times. Lately I have been working some at trying to examine that self-hatred, without giving in to the accompanying urges to act self-destructively. It is a tricky balance to maintain, so I back off a lot.

Anyhow...thanks again for this thread. I look forward to seeing if there are any more like me reading this board. (BTW thanks for the Dr. Moskowitz articles too!)

[KafkanDream]

This sounds like me.  I am very afraid of conflict, and will do anything to avoid it, including compromising myself out of existence, and then secretly resenting it.  (But I don't punish people with silence either.  My dissatisfaction is always hidden.  If they see I am upset or offended, they might not like me anymore, and that would wound me deeply, whether I like them or not.  I digress.)

I'm unaware of feeling anger at all, but I know where it is.  I've turned it inwards, against myself.  Into depression.  At least, that's what the theory states.  Personally, I'm afraid of anger, on all levels.  Mine and other people's.  Too much potential to escalate.  Too threatening.  I'm not aware of consciously choosing major depressive episodes over anger, but if I could, I'd be tempted to consider it.  It feels safer.  I know where I am with it. 

Anger seems like too big a risk.  Not that I'd even know how to feel it anyway.     

 

[Caradavine]

My ex might fall into this category, but what do I know? He seems to intensely fear conflict and I generate it. So, it is a never-ending cycle of drama and trauma. I will keep in touch with this post so that maybe I can get a better understanding for any future contact with someone like him.