Archive for the ‘Non Borderline’ Category

Life Coach, BPD (and Loved Ones) Coach and Peer-Therapist, A.J. Mahari, talks about how you can answer the nagging questions about whether or not you or a loved one of yours may have Borderline Personality in this 66 minute audio.

Mahari talks about her own approach from her own expertise in understanding what Borderline Personality Disorder is often thought to be, how it is pathologized, how psychiatrists have check-lists that mean a lot of people with BPD (high-functioning people) aren’t getting the diagnosis they need to be able to understand what they need to learn more about and become more aware about so that they can heal.

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• Personal Change and Coping Audio and Workbook
• Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life – 19 Coaching Exercises – End Negative Thought Patterns
• Developing Self Awareness and Creating Personal Life Change
• A.J. Mahari’s Coaching Guide/Ebook/Workbook – Quest For Self Awareness & Creating Your Story of Success Audio
• LONELINESS – Its Challenges, Lessons, Purpose and Meaning Ebook
• The Power of Gratitude – Nurtures Healing, Recovery, Self Improvement – Ebook and Audio
• The Importance of Observing The Moment Mindfully – Effective ways to Cope with Stress
• Unresolved Abandonment
• 1 – 60 Minute Life Coaching Session
• Audio About Borderline Personality
• Audio For Loved Ones of Someone with Borderline Personality

All content of all Ebooks, Video, Audios, and Workbooks are © A.J. Mahari and Phoenix Rising Publications/Life Coaching

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Mahari has a new-age and creative positive psychology approach to what BPD really is that she knows makes sense because she had BPD, diagnosed at the age of 18, a few months before her 19th birthday – how life was in the past up to that time in her life, and why, and then from her ensuing recovery process which was successfully completed when A.J. recovered from Borderline Personality Disorder in 1995.

 

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Personal Change and facing your fears to gain control of your life and/or recover or get well from challenges in your life means learning to cope with the process of change and the how to stop fearing your fears. It involves learning how to soothe yourself, be kind to yourself, take good self-care, love yourself, and becoming more aware of how, what, and why you think what you think. What you think creates how you feel. How you feel determines your experience in all areas of your life.

We’re all human and therefore we all have fears. Some of us fear death, others fear being alone, and others fear social situations. If you can think of it, there’s someone somewhere that’s afraid of it. But fear is a normal part of life. It’s what protects us and keeps us safe. There are times, though, when fear can hinder us and stop us from enjoying life and experiencing new joys.

All fears have their roots somewhere inside based upon negative thoughts and association with past experience. It is how you have internalized and perceived those experiences that dictates how much fear you have right now and how you may be doing some extreme things in your life to avoid that fear. Things that really are not healthy and won’t help you but will only cause you more pain and actually increase your over-all negative experience and your fears.

When your fear starts to limit what you do in life, you need to conquer that fear. Does your fear of flying stop you from traveling to visit family members or prevent you from taking the vacation of your dreams?

What about socializing with coworkers after work? Have you turned down social invitations simply because you were anxious about not knowing anyone in the group? If your fears are stopping you from taking advantage of the new opportunities in your life, then it’s time to regain control of your life and disallow your fears from paralyzing you. After all, you can’t live in a bubble! It’s time to start living your life instead of watching life passing you by.

To help you gain control of your life, here are a few tips on how to get over your
fears:

First, identify your fears. Get a piece of paper and write down exactly what you’re afraid of. It doesn’t matter how long the list is, whether it has one thing or 15 things on it. And it doesn’t matter if these fears sound irrational. No one needs to see the list other than you. This is about you taking control and getting over your fears.

Next, figure out why you have the fear. Try to remember a specific incident that might have caused the fear. Maybe your fear of flying intensified because you’ve been on a turbulent flight. Or maybe your fear of dogs stemmed from being bitten as a child.

If you’ve blocked out these memories because they’re too painful to remember, a professional can help you reach those memories and decipher their meaning. A professional can also advise other forms of treatment, such as hypnosis or the emotional freedom technique (EFT).

Now the hard part begins: overcoming or conquering these fears. Be patient and be prepared to do some work because, just as the fear took time to manifest, it will take time to
conquer.

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• Personal Change and Coping Audio and Workbook
• Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life – 19 Coaching Exercises – End Negative Thought Patterns
• Developing Self Awareness and Creating Personal Life Change
• A.J. Mahari’s Coaching Guide/Ebook/Workbook – Quest For Self Awareness & Creating Your Story of Success Audio
• LONELINESS – Its Challenges, Lessons, Purpose and Meaning Ebook
• The Power of Gratitude – Nurtures Healing, Recovery, Self Improvement – Ebook and Audio
• The Importance of Observing The Moment Mindfully – Effective ways to Cope with Stress
• Unresolved Abandonment
• 1 – 60 Minute Life Coaching Session
• Audio About Borderline Personality
• Audio For Loved Ones of Someone with Borderline Personality

All content of all Ebooks, Video, Audios, and Workbooks are © A.J. Mahari and Phoenix Rising Publications/Life Coaching

 

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Take Baby Steps

In the movie What About Bob? there was a therapist who had a patient who was afraid of everything. The therapist used the baby step approach with this patient, which simply
means taking small steps, one at a time, to gain more confidence and eventually overcome the fear.

What would your baby steps be? It depends on your fear.

1. If you’re afraid of social situations, slowly start going to different events. Start with small groups, perhaps in very open environments, then transition slowly into larger gatherings. The purpose here is to prove to yourself that there’s nothing for you to fear.
2. Socialize with a small group of friends you already know. Polish your social skills among people who already know you. You have less to lose and won’t feel as if you must say the right thing at all times.
3. If you’re afraid of dogs, take this same approach by visiting a friend who has a dog. Small dogs are much less intimidating (although they might bark more frequently). If your friends don’t have dogs, ask your local vet’s office or animal shelter if you can visit.
4. Fear of flying is much more difficult to conquer because of the expense, but you can look into hypnosis. Also, some airports or flight schools might have classes in airplane simulators that help you feel like you’re in an airplane. That type of plan will take more research but will open the world to you.

By facing your fears and finding a way to overcome them, you will open up your life to many more opportunities. Take control of your life and take action and change what has you depressed, change why you aren’t in a relationship or a healthy relationship, change how you feel about yourself and others. Facing fear, in and of itself, is the way to make a new choice for personal change and learning to cope with it today. The only thing there is to truly fear is fear itself. That can take over your life if you let it. If you feel like fear has taken over your life, like you are blocked and stuck and want more out of your life, then it is time to embark on a journey of personal change.

© A.J. Mahari and Phoenix Rising Publications/Life Coaching, February 4, 2012 – All rights reserved.

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BPD and BPD Loved Ones Coach, A.J. Mahari talks, in this 138 minute audio, about what people on the other side of BPD – Loved Ones of BPD  really need to know and understand to understand more about what is going on in the relationship with someone in your life with BPD and how to not lose yourself. Or if you have lost yourself, how to find yourself again.

There are so many growth opportunities for Loved Ones of BPD – so many lessons you can learn that more about yourself than your loved one (or ex-loved one) with BPD. BPD Loved Ones need to stop focusing on trying to rescue the borderline and need to focus much more on what is going on with them, that is what they have control over and that is what, as a BPD Loved One can empower you to regain a sense of self that many feel they’ve lost to the confusion, chaos, drama, and difficulty of splitting in and by their loved one with BPD.

This audio will help you get back in touch with yourself and guide you as to what you really need to do in your own personal situation whatever the relationship is with the person in your life or who was in your life with Borderline Personality Disorder. In this audio A.J. Mahari also explains a lot about Borderline Personality Disorder and why you need to learn to practice Radical Acceptance Skill so that you can gain more clarity and understanding of what is actually going on and what you are experiencing and why and what to do about it, how to cope with it. There are hooks, blocks, and aspects of what people with BPD struggle with that draw Loved Ones in, back in, over and over again and/or cause them immense pain and disappointment and even rage.

Being aware of what really is through Radical Acceptance will help you to begin a journey of reclaiming yourself, not living just for the person with BPD and finding out how much you are losing of yourself, your happiness, and your time and life to what is for many an over-focus on the person with BPD in their lives that for some reaches the point of being obsessive and all-consuming and exacerbating already existing and often increasing pain. Without Radical Acceptance you may also be less yourself and becoming more isolated all the time.

To purchase this audio please CLICK HERE

©A.J. Mahari, December 10, 2011 – All rights reserved.

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Loved ones, especially partners, of those with BPD, need to know more and understand more about the false self in Borderline Personality Disorder and how it can leave you feeling empathy, sorry for, and/or guilty about your reactions or feelings to the person in your life with BPD. The Borderline False Self can leave your head screaming “get out” and your heart not knowing how to let go of a relationship. It can be very confusing, very painful and the tendency to try to rescue and the illusion of false hope often reign supreme leading to even more pain and regret for many who are or who the partner of or have been a partner of someone with BPD. Often by the time your head is telling you to go so too are your friends and family. What holds you back? Is it good for you? This one hour and seven minute audio will give you a lot to think about and hopefully clear up some of  your confusion.

To read more or purchase this audio CLICK HERE

 

© A.J. Mahari and Phoenix Rising Publications, November 21, 2011 – All rights reserved.

 

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Author, Life Coach, BPD/Mental Health Coach, A.J. Mahari, on video, on the subject of non borderlines, loved ones of those with BPD, partners, and family members having compassion for those who have Borderline Personality Disorder. Why is compassion for those with BPD important? What makes it challenging for those who are non borderline? Can compassion be confused with enabling and rescuing? Does compassion or lack thereof have anything to do with what you are experiencing from your borderline loved one? Can you or should you have compassion in the face of abuse, borderline rage, borderline splitting, on-again, off-again, cyclical and toxic relationships?

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• Punishment and Revenge in Borderline Personality Disorder
• Breaking Free of The Borderline Maze – Recovery For Non Borderlines
• Can You Rescue a Borderline Loved One?
• Facing The Facts on The Other Side of Borderline Personality Disorder
• Inside The Borderline Mind
• 4 BPD Loved Ones Ebooks – Puzzle Mystery of Hope & Splitting and BPD Audio Program Bundle
• The Dilemma on The Other Side of Borderline Personality Disorder – Can Borderlines Love? Do Borderlines Feel Love?
• Full Circle – Lessons For Non Borderlines
• Splitting in Borderline Personality – Loved Ones

Ebooks and Audio Programs ? A.J. Mahari

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? A.J. Mahari, June 16, 2011 – Phoenix Rising Publicatons – All rights reserved.

Many people who email A.J Mahari, and many of her Life Coaching clients who are loved ones, family members, partners or ex-partners or on-again, off-again partners of a person with Borderline Personality Disorder are asking her about validation. Does it help if you, as a loved one of someone with BPD, learn how to validate and support the person with BPD in your life in how they are feeling and what they are communicating?

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• Punishment and Revenge in Borderline Personality Disorder
• Can You Rescue a Borderline Loved One?
• Facing The Facts on The Other Side of Borderline Personality Disorder
• Inside The Borderline Mind
• 4 BPD Loved Ones Ebooks – Puzzle Mystery of Hope & Splitting and BPD Audio Program Bundle
• The Dilemma on The Other Side of Borderline Personality Disorder – Can Borderlines Love? Do Borderlines Feel Love?
  
• Full Circle – Lessons For Non Borderlines
• Splitting in Borderline Personality – Loved Ones

Ebooks and Audio Programs ? A.J. Mahari


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? A.J. Mahari, Phoenix Rising Publicatons – All rights reserved.
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Non Borderlines, Loved ones of those with Borderline Personality need their own recovery. Author, Life Coach, BPD/Mental Health Coach and Self Improvement Coach, A.J. Mahari talks about this in her latest video.

Most of those who are familiar with Borderline Personality Disorder think that it is just people with BPD that need recovery when the truth of the matter is that Borderline Personality Disorder, and the dynamics it manifests in all forms of relationships means that both those with BPD and those who know them are affected and often in negative, confusing, and painful ways.

This is why it is important for BPD Loved Ones to realize that they too need their own recovey Non Borderline Recovery

 

 

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• The Puzzle and Mystery of Hope on the Other Side of BPD
• Inside The Borderline Mind
• The Shame of Abandonment In BPD
• Breaking Free of The Borderline Maze – Recovery For Nons
• Facing the Facts of BPD – On The Other Side For Nons
• Overcoming Denial About BPD and Love

Audio Programs For Loved Ones of BPD ? A.J. Mahari

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? A.J. Mahari, June 14, 2011 – All rights reserved.

Author, Life Coach, BPD/Mental Health and Self Improvement Coach, A.J. Mahari now has her Thought Changing Affirmations Handbooks 5 Volume Set available. Through the use of these positive affirmations, one a day, or one a week, you can learn to change your negative painful thoughts into more positive pain-neutral and/or happy contented thoughts. Whatever the mind can conceive it can achieve. If you want and need to stop suffering and to experience more peace, more calm, less to eventually no emotional dysregulation in your life than Mahari's 5 Volume Set of Changing Your Thought Positive Affirmation Handbooks will be invaluable to you in your recovery process. A natural way to help empower your own recovery. A natural way that you have control over to change your negative thoughts into positive ones. You will feel so much better about yourself. Thoughts define our experience. What you think really controls what you experience, your pain, difficulty in relating to others, in relationships, in knowing who you are and so much more. It is all generated by the rigid thought patterns you've built up from a very young age and added to over the years. Affirmations might sound silly, or hardly like a hopeful solution to improve the quality of your life, but take it from Mahari who not only knows this and witnesses incredible change in the clients she coaches but she knows this first hand having recovered from BPD in 1995.

 

You can use these "Positive Affirmations" – short positive statements targeted at a specific subconscious set of beliefs – to challenge and undermine negative beliefs and to replace them with positive self-nurturing beliefs. How we think creates our experience. If you are thinking largely negatively you will create and perceive your life experience through a negative lens. If you are thinking more positively the exact opposite will manifest in your life – your thoughts, experience, relationships, and your over-all life experience.

   

READ MORE and Purchase by CLICKING HERE

  ? A.J. Mahari, May 14, 2011 – All rights reserved.    

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) until recently was reluctant to reveal the source of its funding. But thanks to Sen. Grassley we now can learn NAMI?s sources for Major Foundation and Corporate Support, which you can find here. I downloaded the list of ?funders? for 2009. Fortunately, unlike pharmaceutical companies who have revealed monies paid to physicians (see, for example, ?Transparency Vs. Translucency in Reporting Physician Payments?), NAMI?s numbers are easy to copy into Excel spreadsheets and analyze.

by John Mack

Pharma Marketing Blog

In 2009, NAMI received 84 payments over $5,000 from different sources. Payments total $4,737,610.00 of which $3,836,750.00 (81%) came from major pharmaceutical companies. The following pie chart shows how the $3,836,750.00 was divided among major pharma funders (click on the chart for an enlarged view).

The biggest pharma funder in 2009 was AstraZenca (AZ), which donated $1,255,000.00. Recall that AZ is forced to pay about 400X that amount ($520 million) to resolve allegations that it illegally marketed the anti-psychotic drug Seroquel for uses not approved as safe and effective by the Food and Drug Administration (see HHS press release here). I guess you might say AZ got a large NEGATIVE ROI for its NAMI investment!

Lilly was next on the list having donated $750,500.00 to NAMI in 2009. Recall that Lilly markets Cymbalta and that it recently received a warning letter from the FDA about misleading a Cymablta print ad ? ie, re: ?omission of risk information.? Cymbalta is indicated for treatment of depression among many other things these days (see ?The Cymbalta Buzz Machine is at Full Throttle!?).

The third biggest NAMI pharma ?funder? for 2009 was BMS, which donated $506,250.00. Recall that BMS markets the drug Abilify for bipolar disorder. Some time ago, Andy Behrman ? BMS?s patient spokesperson for Abilify ? went on a campaign against the very product he endorsed for money (see ?Andy Behrman, Now an Anti-BMS Spokesperson, Says ?Ask Your Doctor If Abilify is Wrong for You??).

It?s a crazy, crazy world out there in the marketing of mental illness drugs!

 

Source: Office of Medical and Scientific Justice

Author, Life Coach, BPD and Mental Health Coach, recovered borderline, and adult child of two parents with BPD (one parent with BPD/NPD), A.J. Mahari has a new audio to help you to start and/or continue your own recovery. Learn effective tools and skills and boundaries to take back your own life. Learn to eliminate toxic guilt and feeling obligated to a personality-disordered parent.

In this audio A.J. includes insightful information, motivation, shares some of her own experience and what she knows it takes to recover as the adult child of two personality-disordered parents. Mahari has also included 9 Coaching Questions/Reflections Journal exercises for you to do that she includes in her Coaching with adult children of personality-disordered parents.

When you are raised in a family with one or both parents having one or more personality disorders you do need your own recovery. Some will be diagnosed with the same personality disorders and have a double-recovery process to undertake, like A.J. Mahari did. Others will not be as wounded or affected but will still have wounding issues from childhood that, if left unaddressed, can cause them to get involved in codependent, chaotic, toxic, enmeshed unhealthy relationships which do not make it possible to live authentically or to be happy.

If you are the adult child of a mother with BPD, a father with BPD, a mother or father with NPD, or perhaps a parent with both BPD/NPD and maybe even with other co-morbid diagnoses, you really will benefit from this audio and from getting started in a new and very consciously aware way to cope more effectively, to make new choices, and to find your own recovery.

 

? A.J. Mahari, February 16, 2011, ? All rights reserved.