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Archive for the ‘Adult Child of BPD’ Category

How To Know If You Have Borderline Personality (or if a loved one does)

July 7th, 2012 | Author: A.J. Mahari

Life Coach, BPD (and Loved Ones) Coach and Peer-Therapist, A.J. Mahari, talks about how you can answer the nagging questions about whether or not you or a loved one of yours may have Borderline Personality in this 66 minute audio.

Mahari talks about her own approach from her own expertise in understanding what Borderline Personality Disorder is often thought to be, how it is pathologized, how psychiatrists have check-lists that mean a lot of people with BPD (high-functioning people) aren’t getting the diagnosis they need to be able to understand what they need to learn more about and become more aware about so that they can heal.

All content of all Ebooks, Video, Audios, and Workbooks are © A.J. Mahari and Phoenix Rising Publications/Life Coaching

Mahari has a new-age and creative positive psychology approach to what BPD really is that she knows makes sense because she had BPD, diagnosed at the age of 18, a few months before her 19th birthday – how life was in the past up to that time in her life, and why, and then from her ensuing recovery process which was successfully completed when A.J. recovered from Borderline Personality Disorder in 1995.

Personal Change – Face Your Fears and Gain Control of Your Life

February 5th, 2012 | Author: A.J. Mahari

Personal Change and facing your fears to gain control of your life and/or recover or get well from challenges in your life means learning to cope with the process of change and the how to stop fearing your fears. It involves learning how to soothe yourself, be kind to yourself, take good self-care, love yourself, and becoming more aware of how, what, and why you think what you think. What you think creates how you feel. How you feel determines your experience in all areas of your life.

We’re all human and therefore we all have fears. Some of us fear death, others fear being alone, and others fear social situations. If you can think of it, there’s someone somewhere that’s afraid of it. But fear is a normal part of life. It’s what protects us and keeps us safe. There are times, though, when fear can hinder us and stop us from enjoying life and experiencing new joys.

All fears have their roots somewhere inside based upon negative thoughts and association with past experience. It is how you have internalized and perceived those experiences that dictates how much fear you have right now and how you may be doing some extreme things in your life to avoid that fear. Things that really are not healthy and won’t help you but will only cause you more pain and actually increase your over-all negative experience and your fears.

When your fear starts to limit what you do in life, you need to conquer that fear. Does your fear of flying stop you from traveling to visit family members or prevent you from taking the vacation of your dreams?

What about socializing with coworkers after work? Have you turned down social invitations simply because you were anxious about not knowing anyone in the group? If your fears are stopping you from taking advantage of the new opportunities in your life, then it’s time to regain control of your life and disallow your fears from paralyzing you. After all, you can’t live in a bubble! It’s time to start living your life instead of watching life passing you by.

To help you gain control of your life, here are a few tips on how to get over your
fears:

First, identify your fears. Get a piece of paper and write down exactly what you’re afraid of. It doesn’t matter how long the list is, whether it has one thing or 15 things on it. And it doesn’t matter if these fears sound irrational. No one needs to see the list other than you. This is about you taking control and getting over your fears.

Next, figure out why you have the fear. Try to remember a specific incident that might have caused the fear. Maybe your fear of flying intensified because you’ve been on a turbulent flight. Or maybe your fear of dogs stemmed from being bitten as a child.

If you’ve blocked out these memories because they’re too painful to remember, a professional can help you reach those memories and decipher their meaning. A professional can also advise other forms of treatment, such as hypnosis or the emotional freedom technique (EFT).

Now the hard part begins: overcoming or conquering these fears. Be patient and be prepared to do some work because, just as the fear took time to manifest, it will take time to
conquer.

All content of all Ebooks, Video, Audios, and Workbooks are © A.J. Mahari and Phoenix Rising Publications/Life Coaching

Take Baby Steps

In the movie What About Bob? there was a therapist who had a patient who was afraid of everything. The therapist used the baby step approach with this patient, which simply
means taking small steps, one at a time, to gain more confidence and eventually overcome the fear.

What would your baby steps be? It depends on your fear.

If you’re afraid of social situations, slowly start going to different events. Start with small groups, perhaps in very open environments, then transition slowly into larger gatherings. The purpose here is to prove to yourself that there’s nothing for you to fear.
Socialize with a small group of friends you already know. Polish your social skills among people who already know you. You have less to lose and won’t feel as if you must say the right thing at all times.
If you’re afraid of dogs, take this same approach by visiting a friend who has a dog. Small dogs are much less intimidating (although they might bark more frequently). If your friends don’t have dogs, ask your local vet’s office or animal shelter if you can visit.
Fear of flying is much more difficult to conquer because of the expense, but you can look into hypnosis. Also, some airports or flight schools might have classes in airplane simulators that help you feel like you’re in an airplane. That type of plan will take more research but will open the world to you.

By facing your fears and finding a way to overcome them, you will open up your life to many more opportunities. Take control of your life and take action and change what has you depressed, change why you aren’t in a relationship or a healthy relationship, change how you feel about yourself and others. Facing fear, in and of itself, is the way to make a new choice for personal change and learning to cope with it today. The only thing there is to truly fear is fear itself. That can take over your life if you let it. If you feel like fear has taken over your life, like you are blocked and stuck and want more out of your life, then it is time to embark on a journey of personal change.

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Posted in Adult Child of BPD, BPD and Identity, BPD Family, BPD General, BPD Loved Ones, BPD Self Help, Non Borderline | Comments Closed

Radical Acceptance of Where You Are and Why – Loved Ones of BPD

December 11th, 2011 | Author: A.J. Mahari

BPD and BPD Loved Ones Coach, A.J. Mahari talks, in this 138 minute audio, about what people on the other side of BPD – Loved Ones of BPD really need to know and understand to understand more about what is going on in the relationship with someone in your life with BPD and how to not lose yourself. Or if you have lost yourself, how to find yourself again.

There are so many growth opportunities for Loved Ones of BPD – so many lessons you can learn that more about yourself than your loved one (or ex-loved one) with BPD. BPD Loved Ones need to stop focusing on trying to rescue the borderline and need to focus much more on what is going on with them, that is what they have control over and that is what, as a BPD Loved One can empower you to regain a sense of self that many feel they’ve lost to the confusion, chaos, drama, and difficulty of splitting in and by their loved one with BPD.

This audio will help you get back in touch with yourself and guide you as to what you really need to do in your own personal situation whatever the relationship is with the person in your life or who was in your life with Borderline Personality Disorder. In this audio A.J. Mahari also explains a lot about Borderline Personality Disorder and why you need to learn to practice Radical Acceptance Skill so that you can gain more clarity and understanding of what is actually going on and what you are experiencing and why and what to do about it, how to cope with it. There are hooks, blocks, and aspects of what people with BPD struggle with that draw Loved Ones in, back in, over and over again and/or cause them immense pain and disappointment and even rage.

Being aware of what really is through Radical Acceptance will help you to begin a journey of reclaiming yourself, not living just for the person with BPD and finding out how much you are losing of yourself, your happiness, and your time and life to what is for many an over-focus on the person with BPD in their lives that for some reaches the point of being obsessive and all-consuming and exacerbating already existing and often increasing pain. Without Radical Acceptance you may also be less yourself and becoming more isolated all the time.

To purchase this audio please CLICK HERE

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Posted in Adult Child of BPD, Borderline Mother, BPD Family, BPD Loved Ones, Non Borderline, Parents of BPD, Partners of BPD | Comments Closed

Non Borderlines – BPD Family and Compassion for those with Borderline Personality Disorder

June 16th, 2011 | Author: A.J. Mahari

Author, Life Coach, BPD/Mental Health Coach, A.J. Mahari, on video, on the subject of non borderlines, loved ones of those with BPD, partners, and family members having compassion for those who have Borderline Personality Disorder. Why is compassion for those with BPD important? What makes it challenging for those who are non borderline? Can compassion be confused with enabling and rescuing? Does compassion or lack thereof have anything to do with what you are experiencing from your borderline loved one? Can you or should you have compassion in the face of abuse, borderline rage, borderline splitting, on-again, off-again, cyclical and toxic relationships?

Ebooks and Audio Programs ? A.J. Mahari

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Can You Validate Your Borderline Loved One?

June 16th, 2011 | Author: A.J. Mahari

Many people who email A.J Mahari, and many of her Life Coaching clients who are loved ones, family members, partners or ex-partners or on-again, off-again partners of a person with Borderline Personality Disorder are asking her about validation. Does it help if you, as a loved one of someone with BPD, learn how to validate and support the person with BPD in your life in how they are feeling and what they are communicating?

Punishment and Revenge in Borderline Personality Disorder
Can You Rescue a Borderline Loved One?
Facing The Facts on The Other Side of Borderline Personality Disorder
Inside The Borderline Mind
4 BPD Loved Ones Ebooks – Puzzle Mystery of Hope & Splitting and BPD Audio Program Bundle
The Dilemma on The Other Side of Borderline Personality Disorder – Can Borderlines Love? Do Borderlines Feel Love?
Full Circle – Lessons For Non Borderlines
Splitting in Borderline Personality – Loved Ones

Ebooks and Audio Programs ? A.J. Mahari

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Non Borderline Recovery – Life Coach A.J. Mahari

June 14th, 2011 | Author: A.J. Mahari

Non Borderlines, Loved ones of those with Borderline Personality need their own recovery. Author, Life Coach, BPD/Mental Health Coach and Self Improvement Coach, A.J. Mahari talks about this in her latest video.

Most of those who are familiar with Borderline Personality Disorder think that it is just people with BPD that need recovery when the truth of the matter is that Borderline Personality Disorder, and the dynamics it manifests in all forms of relationships means that both those with BPD and those who know them are affected and often in negative, confusing, and painful ways.

This is why it is important for BPD Loved Ones to realize that they too need their own recovey Non Borderline Recovery

Audio Programs For Loved Ones of BPD ? A.J. Mahari

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Adult Child Recovery – BPD NPD Personality Disordered Parent(s)

February 16th, 2011 | Author: A.J. Mahari

Author, Life Coach, BPD and Mental Health Coach, recovered borderline, and adult child of two parents with BPD (one parent with BPD/NPD), A.J. Mahari has a new audio to help you to start and/or continue your own recovery. Learn effective tools and skills and boundaries to take back your own life. Learn to eliminate toxic guilt and feeling obligated to a personality-disordered parent.

In this audio A.J. includes insightful information, motivation, shares some of her own experience and what she knows it takes to recover as the adult child of two personality-disordered parents. Mahari has also included 9 Coaching Questions/Reflections Journal exercises for you to do that she includes in her Coaching with adult children of personality-disordered parents.

When you are raised in a family with one or both parents having one or more personality disorders you do need your own recovery. Some will be diagnosed with the same personality disorders and have a double-recovery process to undertake, like A.J. Mahari did. Others will not be as wounded or affected but will still have wounding issues from childhood that, if left unaddressed, can cause them to get involved in codependent, chaotic, toxic, enmeshed unhealthy relationships which do not make it possible to live authentically or to be happy.

If you are the adult child of a mother with BPD, a father with BPD, a mother or father with NPD, or perhaps a parent with both BPD/NPD and maybe even with other co-morbid diagnoses, you really will benefit from this audio and from getting started in a new and very consciously aware way to cope more effectively, to make new choices, and to find your own recovery.

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Adult Children of BPD Need Their Own Recovery

February 14th, 2011 | Author: A.J. Mahari

Speaking not only as a Life Coach, BPD, and mental Health Coach, A.J. Mahari emphasizes to you, if you are adult child of a parent with BPD, NPD, or any personality disorder (or combination of said) that you need your own recovery. Children do learn what they live. A great deal of the inter-generational suffering of those who were the children of a personality disordered parent or parents has to do with the toxic legacy of not resolving issues such as codependence, enmeshment, toxic relating, chaotic and unhealthy relationships with one’s parent(s). There is a legacy to having been the child of a personality disordered parent or parents and A.J. Mahari knows this all-too-well in her own personal life as well having had a mother with BPD and a father with BPD/NPD. Personality Disordered parents are not emotionally available and children are negatively impacted as a result. Adult children of a personality disordered parent or parents need their own recovery.

Many an adult child who growing up had a mother or father with Borderline Personality Disorder and/or Narcissistic Personality Disorder separately or co-morbid and perhaps even co-morbid with other mental health challenges and/or other personality disorders need to recognize that they have been psychologically wounded.

Wounded in ways that perpetuate suffering in other relationships, suffering inside, alone, often reeling from unresolved abandonment, invalidation, and grief. This applies to all adult children, to varying degrees, whether you yourself have also been diagnosed with a personality disorder or not.

You can purchase A Bundle of 4 videos of A.J.’s Adult Child of BPD/NPD experience in the Video Category

Many can and will benefit from my Life Coaching Services to sort out what you need to do, how you can heal and leave the past behind and move forward in your life. I have been there in my own personal life and I know what it takes to win your freedom from the soul-crushing and painful chaos of the toxic relating with a personality-disordered parent. Until you resolve these issues and find your closure, something I work on with many adult children of a personality parent or personality disordered parents, you may well feel anxious or depressed, not trust your instincts and judgment, not know who you really are, be repeating a toxic pattern of unhealthy relationships. You can free yourself from all of this. You can find your own happiness. You can heal the codependent enmeshment and over-come toxic guilt. You have a right to make your own choices and to empower yourself in the here-and-now.

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BPD is not a Brain Disease and You Can Recover – BPD Memoir and Autobiography

December 21st, 2010 | Author: A.J. Mahari

I now have a new site where I will be sharing much more about recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder. This site will include video, audio, blogs, and coming very soon – excerpts from my up-coming memoir about my recovery from BPD in 1995 and my audio autobiography which is a prelude to the memoir in which I share the impacting and noteworthy aspects of my “borderline years” along with some childhood experiences that were central to all that I had to get through in the therapy that was my process of recovery. There is so much hope for BPD recovery – hope that is being negated by systemic stigma and hidden agendas within many areas of the mental health delivery system these days. What do you need to know more about? Why do so many say you can’t recover from Borderline Personality Disorder? Why do they say that? What is BPD really, anyway? Remember, what you think creates your experience, so be very careful about what you think about what BPD is, how it is treated, who knows what, and what causes it and much more.

There is too much being said these days by too many about all that is negative about Borderline Personality Disorder. Too many people focus too much on the stereotypical, limiting, devaluing, pathologizing of human beings who are living their lives with BPD – in an out-of-balance way. That’s not something entirely pathological at all. It is a reactive-response to unaddressed and unhealed woundedness. People with Borderline Personality Disorder are not all the same. People with BPD, especially in a relational context, exhibit what it means to be human in very intense and polarized ways. Not pathological, but out-of-balance ways.

The traits that psychiatry as used to define Borderline Personality Disorder are human traits. How is it that they took what are human traits and twisted them into a pathology that they named Borderline Personality Disorder and then abandoned anyone diagnosed with it saying that you can’t get better. Can’t get better from what? Being human in intensely polarized ways? Say what?

And to further complicate that reality that people with Borderline Personality Disorder can get well, in the last decade or so, now these (not all but a lot) psychiatrists have created, yes created, what is now known as biopsychiatry. Biopsychiatry, essentially came out of what is not being referred to as “the decade of the brain” – the 1990′s. “Decade of the brain” – what? Did the brain need a decade? What does this mean? What was the focus on the brain about and who was doing the focusing? What was the purpose of this focus? These are important questions to keep in mind when you consider what BPD really is versus what biospsychiatry says it is and what that means for recovery and what that means to the process of actual recovery versus being kept stuck in what psychiatrists and the mental profession continue to claim is such “pathology”.

The “decade of the brain” saw many studies be reported, actually, marketed to the public. Studies that made all sorts of claims about Borderline Personality Disorder, and indeed, mental illness generally, as “brain disorder” or “brain disease”. Do you like science fiction? I personally, don’t really. It’s a lot of fantasy and illusion with high-tech special effects. Oh, wait, rather just like the studies of the “decade of the brain” and beyond. What most people don’t know or realize, unless they question the mass-marketing of supposed study-findings that conclude Borderline Personality Disorder is a “brain disorder” is that these studies were largely funded – if not entirely funded – by Big Pharma, mainly in the United States to begin with. The big money of Big Pharma (pharaceutical companies – drug companies) looked for a more effective way to market their products. That’s what is behind biopsychiatry. A “marriage” of sorts between Big Pharma and its marketing machine and big dollars to advertising in all forms of media meets “mental health professionals” who also want to make more money. Where is the actual mental health consumer/client/patient in this “relationship”?

If you believe that biopsychiatry, which is also known as the “medical model of psychiatry”, has the any proof of their claims – claims that they put across about mental illness as a “brain disorder” to sell drugs to people that actually, in the long run, obfuscate recovery and make it more difficult for people thus meaning they will be more reliant on the drugs and the prescribing mental health professionals – I hope you will think again, do some research and do your best not to get caught up in or trapped in their smoke-and-mirror pseduo-science. A “science”, this “brain disorder” junk they say their “studies” back-up as if it were proof when at best it is only theory, if that, takes your humanity out of the equation. It doesn’t look at you, the mental health consumer/client/patient as a whole person at all. But then, should that be surprising given the fact that the traits they list, for example, in the DSM-IV as “pathological” as “mental illness” as “personality disordered traits” are human traits that they themselves have defined as pathology?

You can recover from Borderline Personality Disorder. I did. What can block your ability to get well and to recover is being fooled by biopsychiatry into believing that you have a “brain disorder” and that only those who create the “illness” can cure it. But can they? NO! Do they even try? NO! That’s right – biopsychiatry, largely backed by, created by, and funded by Big Pharma has a different agenda other than treating people with BPD and mental illness – they are serving themselves, not you!

Sound controversial? Sound crazy? Sound impossible? Well, if you want to know more about where I am coming from with this please do visit my newest site at bpdmemoir.com where I will be talking more about recovery and what kind of thinking supports recovery and what kind of thinking will keep you stuck in the pain of Borderline Personality Disorder.

I’ll also be speaking to Loved Ones of those with BPD about what types of misinformation you need to pay more attention to so that you have all the information you need to make decisions in your best interest. Many books in the last few years targeted at BPD Loved Ones, BPD Family members, partners, and ex-partners, co-workers, etc., of those with BPD have mislead you also in terms of this “medical model of BPD” that is really not about supporting wellness or recovery and is more about an industry making money and yes, exploiting people’s pain.

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Posted in A.J.'s BPD Memoir, Adult Child of BPD, BPD and Recovery, BPD General, BPD Self Help, Understanding BPD | No Comments »

Coaching and Understanding to Help BPD Loved Ones (Non Borderlines) Cope with Someone With BPD in Your Life

November 9th, 2010 | Author: A.J. Mahari

Loved ones, family members, partners or ex-partners of those with Borderline Personality Disorder are often confused, in pain, and struggling to cope with a loved one with BPD. Life Coach, BPD and Mental Health Coach A.J. Mahari was interviewed on the healthyplace.com Mental Health TV Show on the subject of BPD Loved ones and Coping with someone in your life with BPD. This interview has been broken up into three parts to fit on youtube. You can watch the there excerpts of this interview below or by going to my YouTube Channel

Audio Programs For Loved Ones of BPD ? A.J. Mahari

Purchase all 3 of ebooks for NON BORDERLINES or 3 Non Borderline Ebooks packaged together with audio.

Purchase all 5 Core Wound of Abandonment in BPD ebooks
Non Borderlines – You can purchase 6 ebooks packaged together without audio or 6 ebooks bundled together with 2 audio programs 6 ebooks packaged together with 2 audio programs
Those with BPD and/or Non Borderlines can purchase A.J. Mahari’s 3 “Core Wound of Abandonment” series ebooks or Mahari’s 3 “Core Wound of Abandonment” series ebooks with From False Self To Authentic Self In BPD – The Inner Chid Audio Program

Audio Programs ? A.J. Mahari

Please be sure to visit healthyplace.com where they now feature blogs including one written by someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.

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Archive for the ‘Adult Child of BPD’ Category

All content of all Ebooks, Video, Audios, and Workbooks are © A.J. Mahari and Phoenix Rising Publications/Life Coaching

To help you gain control of your life, here are a few tips on how to get over your fears:

All content of all Ebooks, Video, Audios, and Workbooks are © A.J. Mahari and Phoenix Rising Publications/Life Coaching

Take Baby Steps

To purchase this audio please CLICK HERE

To help you gain control of your life, here are a few tips on how to get over your
fears: